Fear
Ok so this is a pretty big topic. Fear is creativity’s biggest enemy and fear comes in a million different forms and disguises, a lot of them very cunning and creative even. We each have our own bag of fears big and small.
I’ve just finished a short and very successful season of a show I’ve been working on as director for over a year. A lot of very interesting stuff has happened along the way, but the thing that is sticking out in my mind right now is that period, for about two days before opening night, when fear, in the form of near-panic, often rears its head. This is one of the times that it can be hardest to say to the fear “yes, yes, I can see you there, but I don’t need you right now, so please go away.”
All the inspiration, all the hard work, all the wonderful creative ideas and all the structuring, polishing, bringing together of all the different elements, suddenly, when that panic sets in, begin to look like mistakes. For me, usually my main fear is that I have been too optimistic in my naive belief that anyone will think what I’ve made is cool, clever, relevant or moving.
And what can I say about this time of near-panic? All you can do is exercise blind faith. Whatever you have made is a unique reflection of you (this is a scary thing to think of too – all those people coming and looking so closely at this revelation of you-ness), your original idea was inspired and you have worked doggedly to express that idea as beautifully and clearly as you can.
The fear may have immobilised your brain, but by this stage in the process you probably don’t need it as much as you might think. Your legs keep on taking you down the path. Just keep walking, run a little when necessary, get to the finish line and see the faces of the crowd as they experience your creation. Phew. If you can stay open to their experience and what they choose to say to you about it, then you have completed your mission. Take a week or two off and then write down all those comments and have a think over your intention (what did you intend your audience to experience?), what was fun about the process and what you can learn now.
